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Jeez, you try to be nice to someone ...

January 26, 2010

Have you ever gone out of your way to do something nice for someone only to have him or her take it the wrong way and get irritated? This recently happened to me twice in the same week.

I was riding the 146 bus home listening to the latest Metric album and reading a history book about bananas when two seemingly innocent things happened. When the bus stopped in front of Water Tower Place, a woman who was either several months pregnant or several months into a Chipotle-only diet appeared to be struggling to get on the bus while juggling her bags.

The driver "kneeled" the bus for her, which I thought was a nice gesture, but the woman apparently did not. A look of disgust crossed her face.

She then made her way down the aisle and that's when I apparently made the situation worse. I offered her my seat because the others were taken. She said curtly, "No. I am able to stand!" I couldn't understand why she seemed so upset, but as my friend Alpana later noted, having the bus kneel for you is the equivalent of "being called ma'am."

I was just trying to be nice, as was the bus driver, but perhaps etiquette rules have evolved or devolved in recent years. Or maybe this woman was just wearing her cranky Spanx that day.

I realize that in the 21st century people are skeptical of any altruistic gesture. We are constantly thinking, "What's the catch? Is this a scam? Why are you being nice?" But we need to lighten up.

Recently I was shopping at Jewel and I had a coupon for $6 off a purchase of $60 or more. My grocery bill was less than $60 and it was the last day to use the coupon, so I offered it to a straight guy (I could tell he was straight because he was wearing sweatpants in public). He looked at me like I was speaking Na'vi and mumbled, "Uhhhh, what?" I repeated myself and he still seemed flummoxed. Finally he turned to the checkout clerk and asked her, "Should I take this?" She replied, "Of course; he's just being nice." He took it but never said "thank you." Jerk.

It wasn't some lame attempt to get him and his dirty sweatpants into bed and I wasn't going to toss his body into a shallow grave. I was just being nice.

I left Jewel with a scowl and as I was walking out I dropped one of my bags. A young woman helped me pick my things up. "Thank you," I said. She smiled as she walked away.

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