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How not to spice up your sex life: cherry lube

November 19, 2009

I've been on a health kick recently.

I started back at the gym with a trainer before work; I stopped eating carbs after dark and cut back on my junk food and alcohol consumption. The added exercise has increased both my metabolism and my sex drive.

Part of this change was because I didn't want to fall into that winter-blues/hibernation mode and part was because I didn't want to end up looking like a big soft doughy mass. And because I have been more conscious about what I eat, I am also more observant of product labels and about making smart food choices.

Which brings me to a rather interesting product I spotted at Walgreen's in the pharmacy section: sugar-free wild cherry lube. First of all, who is eating lube? Or do some people have taste buds in weird places? Also, is sugar-free sex a smart move or bad marketing? Don't you want your sex life to be filled with sugar and spice?

If you want to add food to your bedroom follies, then explore some real options. There's caramel, Champagne or the old stand-by--place an ice cube or an Altoid in your mouth to add an element of surprise.

Combining sex and food can either be a mood enhancer or a mood spoiler. Remember when George Costanza decided food during sex meant eating a giant sandwich when his girlfriend turned away? Not so sexy.

This got me thinking about other ways to spice up the sex life and burn calories at the same time. Perhaps having sex on the elliptical or rowing machine. That weird Pilates contraption seems tailor-made for shenanigans. I am not sure how the logistics of this would work, but it would be interesting to try. Just be aware of the moving parts.

Of course, sex itself is a fun and easy way to burn calories. According to the MSNBC calorie calculator I checked, a 150-pound person can burn about 54 calories during 30 minutes of vigorous sex.

But if you aren't into the food route, maybe that sugar-free wild cherry lube is right for you.
I wonder what other sugar-free lube flavors might be a big hit: mint, cinnamon? Or how about lube with caffeine in it--that would kick things into high gear.

I have never experimented with food during sex. It seems like it would be a mess, but I would be willing to give it a try provided both the food and the guy are yummy. But because I'm on a healthier regimen, I would probably opt for reduced-fat Reddiwip.

The Bit-O-Honey Challenge!

Starbucks VIA instant coffee! (AKA Sanka 2000!)

Slava's Snow Show

Hide the giant lube jar! The parents are coming!

Recently my parents came to visit from Pittsburgh.

My boyfriend and I live in the heart of Boystown and by now my parents are used to what they refer to as "the lively activity" that goes on nearly 24/7.

When they first visited years ago, I was more worried about my surroundings and made sure everything was "parent friendly." I would reddup the apartment (that's Pittsburghese for "a quick clean") and do a scan to make sure there weren't any nude male screen savers on the computers, a dog-eared copy of the "Gay Kama Sutra" on the bookshelf or a 30-gallon jug of lubricant on the dresser.

Bedroom is a two-way street

A relationship is a two-way street.

One person gives a little and takes a little, and the other does the same. There are also certain agreements made in a relationship because one person doesn't like a particular chore. For example, the guy might clean the litter box and the woman will vacuum, or one person will kill the spiders and the other will dust the tchotchkes. Or the husband will hunt dinner and the wife will cook it up--hey, that's how the Ingalls family operated.

But this sort of arrangement can get sticky in the bedroom. If one person is tackling a big chore and the other is simply reaping the rewards, there's a problem. That's why I was surprised when a friend of mine, whom I shall call "Bob" to protect his identity and use a name with a double-entendre, said he refuses to perform oral sex on his girlfriend but expects her to pleasure him that way. How is that fair?
Read more.

How much 'Sex' can one person take?

I have a love/hate relationship with "Sex and the City."

I loved the TV show but hated the first movie. So I was a bit concerned about the "SATC2" movie that opened last week; would this film be better or worse than the first?

I had seen most of the episodes of "SATC" when it aired on HBO from 1998 to 2004. Say what you will about SJP's constant puns, Samantha's over-the-top sexcapades and the girls' drag queen-inspired wardrobes, it's a fun way to pass 25 minutes of your day--except when the character of Mr. Big in on screen, and that's where my apprehension begins.