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Beards make the man ... sexy

December 3, 2009

Beards are back--and thank goodness for that.

Flip through People Magazine's recent sexiest man alive issue and you will see beards on many of the men, including cover boy Johnny Depp. I don't know if it's art imitating life or the reverse, but beards on men seem to be hot right now, in more ways than one.

There is something about a nice beard on a man that really makes him look, well, like a man. Add a pair of glasses and a nice smile and--excuse me while I swoon.

There are some people that take it too far, however.

You've all seen those hipster guys from Ukrainian Village who look like they started growing their facial hair when they were 15 and haven't trimmed it since. These beards are way past sexy fuzz.

Note guys: This is not a good look. It makes 25-year-olds look like they're 40. Not to mention I imagine there are always food crumbs in their beard. No thanks.

To reiterate: A neat and trimmed beard on Jake Gyllenhaal = sexy. The unkempt wilderness look of a Pa Ingalls (from "Little House on the Prarie") = not so sexy.

Also, what I call the Amish beard--no mustache and sides shaved down to the thick line--are not flattering.

In the '90s the grunge goatee was the "in" look for dudes. I'll admit that I sported one all through college and at various times had a soul patch like Ty Pennington. I like to think I rocked it, but I probably looked like a complete idiot.

In the early 2000s the facial fad was the pornstache, which was funny for 5 minutes but then immediately became stupid. Thankfully for me and everyone around me, I never got on that 'stachewagon.

And now heading into 2010, it seems like it's the full beard as the whiskers du jour. Take a look around the train/bus/office/lumberjack convention you are in and I bet you see at least five guys with a full face of fluff.

Some wear it better than others. (Nothing is worse than the guy who is trying to grow a beard but all he can produce is a few spotty tufts. They end up looking like a dog with mange.)

Those who can't grow facial hair to save their lives or whose attempts at facial hair are patchy and gross like Mark Wahlberg in "The Perfect Storm," can always buy a beard cap from beardhead.com. It's a knit facial cap/cozy that looks like a Viking beard and 'stache. All for the low-low price of $29.99.

Although nothing looks and feels as good as the real deal.

The Bit-O-Honey Challenge!

Starbucks VIA instant coffee! (AKA Sanka 2000!)

Slava's Snow Show

Hide the giant lube jar! The parents are coming!

Recently my parents came to visit from Pittsburgh.

My boyfriend and I live in the heart of Boystown and by now my parents are used to what they refer to as "the lively activity" that goes on nearly 24/7.

When they first visited years ago, I was more worried about my surroundings and made sure everything was "parent friendly." I would reddup the apartment (that's Pittsburghese for "a quick clean") and do a scan to make sure there weren't any nude male screen savers on the computers, a dog-eared copy of the "Gay Kama Sutra" on the bookshelf or a 30-gallon jug of lubricant on the dresser.

Bedroom is a two-way street

A relationship is a two-way street.

One person gives a little and takes a little, and the other does the same. There are also certain agreements made in a relationship because one person doesn't like a particular chore. For example, the guy might clean the litter box and the woman will vacuum, or one person will kill the spiders and the other will dust the tchotchkes. Or the husband will hunt dinner and the wife will cook it up--hey, that's how the Ingalls family operated.

But this sort of arrangement can get sticky in the bedroom. If one person is tackling a big chore and the other is simply reaping the rewards, there's a problem. That's why I was surprised when a friend of mine, whom I shall call "Bob" to protect his identity and use a name with a double-entendre, said he refuses to perform oral sex on his girlfriend but expects her to pleasure him that way. How is that fair?
Read more.

How much 'Sex' can one person take?

I have a love/hate relationship with "Sex and the City."

I loved the TV show but hated the first movie. So I was a bit concerned about the "SATC2" movie that opened last week; would this film be better or worse than the first?

I had seen most of the episodes of "SATC" when it aired on HBO from 1998 to 2004. Say what you will about SJP's constant puns, Samantha's over-the-top sexcapades and the girls' drag queen-inspired wardrobes, it's a fun way to pass 25 minutes of your day--except when the character of Mr. Big in on screen, and that's where my apprehension begins.