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Should you add your one-night stand as a friend on Facebook?

August 27, 2009

Should you Facebook-friend your one-night stand?

A friend of mine, whom we will call "Kate," recently went on a first date with a guy she met online. The first date quickly turned into an extended late-night date, which then turned into an even later-late night date, which then turned into breakfast. (I'll let you fill in the blanks.)

The next morning, after her "date" finally ended, Kate called to give me some of the details and wondered aloud if they should be Facebook friends.

My first instinct was to say no. It seems weird to friend request someone before you really know them--as a person, that is. Although Facebook-flirting could be hot.

I wasn't sure if there was a right answer to this question. Kate and the guy had been chatting for a week or so via the match-making site so it wasn't a random tryst. But their initial face-to-face was thus far only one passion-filled evening.

A gay friend of mine recently faced a similar situation as well. He had hooked up with a guy he met at a club and the next day, the hookup tried to Facebook-friend him.

He wasn't sure if he should accept because he wanted to keep the experience as a one-time thing. "If I wanted to be his friend, I would have given him my number," were his exact words.

His concern: If he ignores the friend request, would he be considered rude? But if he accepts it, then this one-night stand (ONS) is now privy to his everyday goings-on and intimate personal details.

I know, I see the disconnect too. So, we're saying it's OK to invite someone into your bedroom but not your online life.

One upside to friending an ONS is you can then do some investigative reporting via their profile page so see if they are worthy of a second date.

Of course, a true ONS doesn't even involve the exchange of last names, so it shouldn't even be an issue.

But social networking has added a level of complexity to casual dating. In my dating heyday (read: the early '90s) we barely had e-mail. If I didn't want to run into my previous night's hookup I simply took a different route across The Quad to my PoliSci class.

In Kate's case, she opted to not Facebook-friend him just yet. Instead they are embarking on a regular relationship first where they actually talk in person.

That doesn't mean after that he won't change his Facebook status to something obnoxious like, "got me some again last night!" Unfortunately (or fortunately), Kate just won't be able to see it.

The Bit-O-Honey Challenge!

Starbucks VIA instant coffee! (AKA Sanka 2000!)

Slava's Snow Show

Hide the giant lube jar! The parents are coming!

Recently my parents came to visit from Pittsburgh.

My boyfriend and I live in the heart of Boystown and by now my parents are used to what they refer to as "the lively activity" that goes on nearly 24/7.

When they first visited years ago, I was more worried about my surroundings and made sure everything was "parent friendly." I would reddup the apartment (that's Pittsburghese for "a quick clean") and do a scan to make sure there weren't any nude male screen savers on the computers, a dog-eared copy of the "Gay Kama Sutra" on the bookshelf or a 30-gallon jug of lubricant on the dresser.

Bedroom is a two-way street

A relationship is a two-way street.

One person gives a little and takes a little, and the other does the same. There are also certain agreements made in a relationship because one person doesn't like a particular chore. For example, the guy might clean the litter box and the woman will vacuum, or one person will kill the spiders and the other will dust the tchotchkes. Or the husband will hunt dinner and the wife will cook it up--hey, that's how the Ingalls family operated.

But this sort of arrangement can get sticky in the bedroom. If one person is tackling a big chore and the other is simply reaping the rewards, there's a problem. That's why I was surprised when a friend of mine, whom I shall call "Bob" to protect his identity and use a name with a double-entendre, said he refuses to perform oral sex on his girlfriend but expects her to pleasure him that way. How is that fair?
Read more.

How much 'Sex' can one person take?

I have a love/hate relationship with "Sex and the City."

I loved the TV show but hated the first movie. So I was a bit concerned about the "SATC2" movie that opened last week; would this film be better or worse than the first?

I had seen most of the episodes of "SATC" when it aired on HBO from 1998 to 2004. Say what you will about SJP's constant puns, Samantha's over-the-top sexcapades and the girls' drag queen-inspired wardrobes, it's a fun way to pass 25 minutes of your day--except when the character of Mr. Big in on screen, and that's where my apprehension begins.