Name: Jason Scott Steele - but I prefer something more exotic like Dimitri (which I was told was my name in Greek) or Santiago (which a crazy local on Puerto Vallarta told me my name was in Spanish) or perhaps you like my nom de plume: J Scott Steele (note pretentious lack of punctuation.)

Nicknames I will answer to: Jay, Jace, gringo, Yei, Yeison, puta

Nicknames I will NOT answer to: Jaybird, Jay-Jay, Jammin' Jay, Jumanji

Nickname I begrudgingly answered to in college: Wheels (as in Steele (Steel) Wheels.) I don't know why either.

Birthdate: March, 28 1974 at 8:12 am (it was a rainy Thursday, hence my demeanor).

Height: 6'0". A nice gay height

Weight: Fat (remember, gay fat is different than straight fat.) My lowest weight was 135 but I looked like an olive on a toothpick. So I tried to put on weight by eating as much junk food as possible. I went overboard. I'm thinking of having the Carnie Wilson surgery done on my butt.

Birthplace: Pittsburgh, PA. Magee Women's Hospital. Everyone in Pgh was born here.

Schooling: Highlands Elementary, Whitehall Intermediate, Harrison Jr. High, Baldwin High, Point Park College, California University of Pennsylvania. They got progressively worse after 5th grade.

Jobs I've held:

• Bus boy at Chi-Chi's - lasted three days and quit after I dropped a tray of Margarita glasses on the floor and I left them there and walked out. I was 15.
  
• Blockbuster Video - got in trouble for laminating Gummi Bears and freezing spiders with liquid nitrogen then watching them shatter when they hit the floor. 
• Kennywood Park - five years as manager of Guest Relations. Lots of fun. Good times. 
• Ketchum Directory Advertising - Chicago - first real world job, not for me. 
• Participate Systems, Inc. - lasted 5 years until our crazy HR woman accidentally layed off my friend Scott then realized she meant the other office gay and layed me off instead. 
• Ethel's Chocolate Lounge - a dark, dark, chocolately delicious nightmare. 
• Claria Corp.  - I always forget about that one since I worked in an empty office all alone for 6 months. 
• Liquidus Marketing - great friends, good times, ummmmm.....

Favorite Color: I don't have one, although I went through a black phase from 1990-91. You should see a picture of me on my 16th Birthday. Black pants, black socks, black shoes, black turtleneck, scowl. No Steelers necklace though.

Colors I hate: yellow (on cars), pink on anything other than Pepto-Bismol or cotton candy and any type of horrible pastel that the Gap is trying to push.

Hobbies: writing, watching movies, listening to music, making "la-di-da" noises to irritate Brad, "meowing" to songs when I don't know the words, learning new languages and then forgetting them (read: Latin (1-year), French (6-years), Sign Language (1-year), Spanish (3-years), eating lots of chocolate and other junk food, being grumpy, not exercising. Flirting with Mike and Kristian. Being beaten up by Kristian for said flirting. Prrrrrrrrbt-ing.

Questions I ask myself: "What is the meaning of life?", "What is the meaning of this?!", "Is Charles one syllable or two?", "Why is abbreviate such a long word?", "Why don't I ever get a straw when I order a glass of water?", "What time is it?", "Why must everyone insist on being so loud?", "What's that smell?", "Is that a gray hair? No, I mean on you." This is an on-going list and I will be adding to it as I see fit.

Words I don't like: fart, turd, panties, matriculate, co-ed (as in a term for women in college), queer (it's just a stupid word), lover, filibuster, elongate, artists (hard to say, too many stststs's). (It took everything I had just to write those first two words.)

Foods I don't like: Mushrooms, eggplant, fruit in cake or ice cream (separately, okay. Together, no.) pie crust, butterscotch, coconut (shredded - tastes like cuticles), peppers of any kind (red, green, bell, etc.) did I mention mushrooms?

Celebrities I need to make out with before I die: Colin Farrell,  Ewan MacGregor, Jude Law, Mark Feuerstein, Oliver MacReady, David Fumero, Hugh Jackman, Michael Vartan, Justin Timberlake and many, many more.

Celebrities I don't like: Carson Daly, Jerry O'Connell, Shaquile O'Neal, Michael Jordan (he will shill Tampax if paid enough), Shannon Elizabeth, Ben Stiller, Jay Leno, P. Puff Diddy Daddy, Ol' Dirty Bastard (but Big Baby Jesus is okay), Eric Clapton (I get it, your kid fell out the window. Quit singing about it!), Leonardo DiCaprio, Joey Fatone from N*Sync, Lea DeLaria, John Travolta, Sen. Orrin Hatch, Melissa and Joan Rivers, Billy Bush and any other starf*cker on TV news mags, Clay Aiken, Rush Limbaugh, Ann Coulter. Also, Pgh news reporter Don Cannon and, though not a celebrity, there is this nebbish little man that used to live in my building whom I can't stand. I have no reason for it. He has never said anything mean to me nor have I witnessed bad behavior from him, I just can't stand him. His looks like a turtle with glasses. I want to beat him up. I am also adding Louie Anderson to the list, he looks like a Cabbage Patch Doll from the reject line. Also, could Carrot Top be any uglier? Seriously, is it possible?

Pet Peeves: People that stand on escalators, people who don't say "thank you" and being disrespectful in general, snippy fast-food workers - no one is making you work there! Cute men not returning my stares - HELLO! I'm looking at you! Being out of chocolate, patches of bad smells in Chicago (how can it smell like flowers one minute and sour ass the next?), bugs that fly (or crawl quickly) towards me, morons that can't drive and insist upon using their horns the second the light turns green, people that walk very slowly in front of me and somehow manage to fill the entire sidewalk with their person thus making it impossible for me to walk around them. People that don't pick up after their dog. If I ever see someone let their dog poopy on the sidewalk and not pick it up, I am going to rub their nose in it. BAD OWNER!

Well - I hope you liked my bio. I am sure I will add more categories as I think of them. If you want, you can e-mail me suggestions for things to put up here.